Rights or Duties First? Fulfilling the Duty towards the Real/God and Fellow Humans

Most of the problems in interpersonal relationships and conflicting claims about rights and court cases can be traced to problematic understanding of the self and its relationship to the Ground of being or God. God designated as Reality in Sufi parlance in light of the Quranic characterization of Him as Al-Haqq is the Centre and End of all creation and it is in being true to God that one can be true to oneself. For those who identify with Islam at cultural level only and eschew any faith in personal God we can propose a trans-theistic ethic and spirituality that doesn’t need explicit theological commitment but is committed to justice – the ethic of duties and rights – that committed Muslim women uphold.

It is evolving consensus on this ethic that both religious and secular factions and those classified as Islamists and feminists could agree upon. The duties or obligations towards God can be best formulated in terms of service to God’s creation though personal relationship to God can’t and needn’t be debated. However, one of the most certain indicators of one’s piety is one’s humility and effacing the self in relation to the other. The greatest joy is losing oneself in the other. Service for the other is the royal way of karma yoga or path of service for attaining realization or proximity to God.

Saadi has well formulated the definition of tariqat as service of people. Sufis have been running free food and accommodation service for all in shrines. Given the self owes very identity to the other and one achieves subsistence or baqa in the Real through dying to the self (fana). Saints – the friends of God – display exemplary character and become source of great good for the world. Women saints of Islam have created lasting legacy in social service sector.  We need to elaborate the basic premise about the self and other to put women’s obligations and rights in perspective.

Given most problems of women do have a connection with managing finances, financial security to vulnerable women would help solve most problems. However, before we discuss finances, we need to remark that proper relationship to God means no attachment to the world or its wealth and comforts. It gives greater joy to serve than to be served. And regarding the point who is responsible it is fitting to recall the point made in Dostoevesky’s great work The Brothers Karamazov that “we are all responsible and I am most responsible” and the moment one understands this, the world turns into paradise. Women who are prone to complaining against husbands have deep down a problem in understanding who they are and who the other is and how it is God who is looking at oneself from the face of the Other or one who needs us.

A sacred tradition often quoted by the Sufis implies God is addressing us or beseeching our attention through every needy person. We are here, according to religious traditions, not on holiday but winning souls. An odyssey of soul making is what this life is, as said by Keats. We owe to everyone who is somehow connected to us something that we need to graciously return. Gratitude and love for all is what Jesus taught and saints keep reminding us about. The Quran defines faith in terms of gratitude. Moral and spiritual life is one of being open or available to the other. Simone Weil defines God, echoing Sufis, in terms of “attention without distraction.” We may even recall that major secular thinkers and non-theistic philosophers such as Heidegger have advocated meditative modes or sharpening of awareness for fulfilling human vocation.

Atheistic mystics such as Bugbie and even New Age atheists such as Harris have propounded these modes of awareness for what may be called secular mode of salvation. These become possible when one can achieve certain degree of detachment from worldly desires and the calculus of gain and loss or pleasure and pain. Major reasons for marital or family conflicts include, ultimately, an attitude of having in place of being, laziness, addiction to comforts and loveless lustful attitude. Failure to respect and nurture a relationship is primarily a problem in education and character building.

Those who are truly conscious of human dignity and understand how God’s best manifestation is in women’s face, as Ibn Arabi has argued, can’t imagine to inflict violence on women. It is the science of conflict resolution and anatomy of human aggression that need to be taught to couples. Once divorce was rare as lesser expectations from each other, better work ethic or sense of duty that cemented relationships. The idea that there must be a romance and compatibility of minds for successful marriage is very recent and contributes to both pre-marital and post-marital problems.

One can only help oneself by helping others. There is no other. It is all Self, God’s disguise according to profound meaning of Tawhid.

Do you consider yourself to be not better than anyone you meet during the day? If yes then you may be truly humble as a Sufi has observed Recall what is the meaning or profound implication of God as only Reality, as One and unity of humankind.  Belief in an autonomous self  results from pride. One’s quest for better car, more grandiose party  or house are all variations or disguises of this self love that has been cursed.

Shaykh Nizam-u’d-din Auliya used to recite the following verse of Shaykh Abu Sa’id Abul Khair as his motto in life: “Whoever causes grief to us, May his life get more and more happiness.” (Riazul Islam, 2002). As Ibn Arabi noted the saints have dropped the possessive adjective (ya) three times, so they do not say ‘for me’, ‘I have’ or ‘my possessions’ (lî, ‘indî, matâ‘î). Sufi ethic maybe summed up in form of the following dicta of mystically oriented Dostoevsky and Levinas respectively: “We are all responsible for everyone else—but I am more responsible than all the others.” “I owe the Other everything, the Other owes me nothing.” And this “But cannot we live as though we always loved? It was this that the saints and heroes did; this and nothing more.”

Jesus rejected attachment to private property as did his Russian disciple Tolstoy. The Prophet’s companions shared almost everything with their brothers. Augustine identified charity as the essence of scripture. Buddhism prefers begging to hoarding.

In one sentence Sufi view of self and self-other relationship can be stated as: There is no autonomous individual self but only the Other and our salvation lies in surrendering delusionary will to the Cosmic will, the will of the Other. Who is the Other in Sufi view? As there is none but God in reality our identification with what is ordinarily called the self is mistaken. Our greatest joy in fact lies in dancing by dissolving in the Other, by transcending the narrow circuit of personality. What is the Sufi’s beloved for whom he is prepared to die or renounce everything? The Other, the non-self.

The following is a brief formulation of important propositions, following elaborate discussion with various stakeholders and consideration of works written about these issues, that one may propose for anyone committed to justice and dignity of women.

• After sorting the wrong view of the self that puts it at the centre and resists vulnerability or openness to the other or submission to the Other/Real and thus transcending the slavery of the empire of self, other things can proceed.
• All women feel answerable for their moral commitments in the court of conscience and community (and in hereafter for believing women) and will try to lead a life of responsibility and care for the most disadvantaged and realize their highest  potential as humans – eudamonia. The best of humans are those who serve best. They would take the side of the weak and oppressed and uphold justice.They would prefer to work for greater collective good in a spirit of cooperation with all those who have similar objectives. Faith is best demonstrated in wholesome actions for the good of humanity. Virtue is its own reward. One is here to win one’s salvation or falah (flourishing) with diligence and not score a point against other/spouse. We enter into any relationship with the other to fulfill our larger destiny that involves relinquishing wrong views and wrong conduct.
• Women would live lives informed by the principle of infaq or care for the other from their resources. Seeking to build personal empire, refusal to remember death or trying to flee death, competing for fatter salary or more perks or bank balance, bigger house, costlier clothes or cars is what needs to be addressed by a healthy community. Conflicts over these things in family life or between spouses need to be resolved at more fundamental psycho-spiritual level. Ninety percent of court cases would be withdrawn the moment these things are given due recognition. Spouses would compete for sacrificing for each other and not claiming their pie as the very principle of self that is attached to its pie is transcended.Against this ego pathology, we can see how infaq (in the specific sense of spending what is in excess fir community and volunteering for community) of women of at least one day of work or equivalent cash for community initiatives such as tuition, healthcare, housing and food services could resolve key issues marring family life. Women would join credit and other cooperatives for mutual support. Spare or excess personal resources would be spared for community, especially women. Charity, investments and voluntary efforts would be better pooled for community work and professionally managed. Law suits would be avoided as far as possible by recourse to local community resources for conflict resolution. Avoiding extravagance and consumption of resources in unproductive ventures would save what is truly needed for all in these groups.
• The most controversial cases such as that of Shah Bano and such hotly contested issues as triple talaq, share in property, dower amount, marriage expenses, expenses on separate house for newly wed etc. could be best managed through efficient management of finances. There would be enough resources generated within a month only through such small interventions as daily collection, from every eligible family, of sadaqah (Rs1 to 10), sadaqah al fitr, zakat/ushr, will for one percent and investment of 1 percent property in women cooperatives and businesses. Investing some percentage of gold in lucrative businesses or creation of sustainable services or cooperative farms would create enough resources for maintenance and help further cement relationships between spouses.We can create a special scheme for every woman who joins special women self help group of fifty that would consist of women with different professions to support one another through community services. This group of what may be called super-fifty women would give market to businesswomen and women associated with farming enterprises – vegetables, meat, milk, milk products, some grocery items, tuition services, health care services etc. within the group. The group would manage charities also within or with the consultation of group management which would be elected periodically and democratically with due consideration to inclusion of technocrats for professional management of group affairs.This group of fifty would have pooled on monthly basis five k from daily sadaqah, fifty k from zakat, Fifty k from one day infaq of time/skill besides 100k from soft loan and saved five k on account of routine expenses on food, education, healthcare services etc. that are made available through cooperative farms in which one has a share.  Long term resource base of millions of rupees would be generated from will and investments in which group as a whole would be beneficiary. Around five jobs would be created within the group for management of community services. All members shall receive basic requirements of food (rice, oil, soap, tea, spices, salt, sugar etc.) and vegetables, meat, milk and milk products shall be available at 10 to 15 percent of prevailing market rate for five members from community resources if all members contribute ten k soft loan for a year and monthly 3k only.
• A woman can volunteer for any work but isn’t obligated for doing any work including home making work. Women in fact get a pension of a sort after marriage, at husband’s and her own family’s expense from dower and other gifts that can be invested for silent income, as finances is responsibility of men. Pocket money can be secured through mutual negotiations and stipulated in nikah nama. Women can ask for payment for any work including domestic chores and rearing children in husband’s family. The only obligation on her is not to refuse intimacy and companionship of husband. One can well say that a woman is given a new home, an access to/share in husband’s resources for love. What is however often missed in this legalistic calculus of work and whose responsibility is the deeper ontology of work and ifs association with meaning of life and healthy relationships.Work is worship if it isn’t alienated. One needs to find one’s path to God through action or work that is also aspiration of karma yoga. With detachment and focus on duty and  ability to pour love, work becomes joy and constitutes part of human dignity. Hannah Arendt’s The Human Condition puts the case for work so succinctly. Islam requires us to rise to the level of Ihsan that dissolves the controversy on whose job it is to do domestic chores. Preparing food can be such a joy and partaking of food a sacrament. Women don’t and shouldn’t ask for payment for their work as they understand the joy of working and serving one’s kids or even extended family. Love and its fulfillment are great wages for the work we all do including women.However, men should do domestic chores or better we evolve community kitchens where work is rotated and not felt a burden and shared space adds to the experience of preparing and eating. Instead of focusing on my rights or his duties why can’t we share and create many jobs in the process. Shift to community kitchen – one for extended family or 5 to 10 or ideally seven neighbour’s – would not only create millions of jobs and reduce cost of food but also cement relationships.

A few more concrete proposals for settling key issues in marriage and finances are in order.

• Nikah nama would be finalized in presence of informed professional committee (which would also recommend a standard nikah nama for the best interests of couple) representing women’s point of view. Women would be advised to consult such professional team before marriage.
• Dower would be invested to create silent income for women (these points are elaborated in later chapter).
• Maintenance of divorcees would be managed by takaful investments complemented by daily sadaqah from women pooled in favor of the poor and needy or those who suffer any exigency of debt and resource crunch.
• All women would be encouraged to write a will in favour of community of women for at least one percent of property and invest one percent in women managed businesses and contribute their charities to professional trusts that have women presence in administration.
• Women would be linked to interest free credit cooperatives to help small entrepreneurs with seed capital and access to interest free loan for members. Saving hefty amount paid by way of interest would generate enough resources to support many community initiatives.