We all become busy once we leave school. School life is one of the best periods which no one wants to forget. Leaving school is excruciating ,yet at the same time is beautiful because everyone dreams of entering a new phase of life. After leaving the school, we enter a new world and the school memories are left behind. Sometimes those memories come back one way or the other. I have had few friends in my school days and we all promised to stay in touch but you never know what will happen next.
Unfortunately I lost one of my friends to cardiac arrest. It was just a few years ago that I came to know that she is no more. Death of someone brings all those past memories and grief. I imagine if I had What'sapp those days, my phone would not have stopped buzzing continuously from such terrible news. For some time I managed to hold myself, but the news of losing one of my classmates broke me. I usually spent my lunch time with her in school and we used to discuss a lot of things. Now, she is no more!
It was in the year 2010 when I met her first as she was a newcomer and we were in class 9th at that time.We got along really well when we were in school, though we somehow lost touch after the school. She was one of the people that built me up during the difficult times. When a friend dies the impact can be traumatic. It has been more than six years since my friend from high school passed away,but her death happens over and over online. I look at her Facebook profile and feel one day she will text back but that is not possible.
I miss her laugh , those endless conversations, lame jokes and singing. I miss her, "hi" every morning. I miss the time I have spent with her. I thought time was supposed to heal; it hasn't healed anything, only replaced memories and has served as a constant reminder that You're gone. I tried everything to accept that you were gone. I am grateful for the time we did have. I feel like it's happening all over again and it hurts just as badly, if not worse. My only regret is that I wish I could have been in touch with you after school but destiny had something else to store for us. Maybe our paths are not meant to cross again. Maybe our journey was meant for such a short period of time. My journey of spending a few years with you at school feels as if I have spent more time with you. Not even time can erase the memories which I have had with you. I wish you were still here;I want to go back in those days and relive the moments once again. Your separation has been excruciating. Now there is no hope, only despair takes over. Time moves so fast; but leaves the memories behind. I admit that I have lost you but my memories with you will always be there. Like a scratch only the scar remains. We are distant like the stars,up above. Those sweet memories of my life with you are the best. They always make me smile.
"The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound; but the loss can't be repaired" (Robert Southey)
I feel like everything is falling away from me into oblivion. It is cliche to say after that, nothing was the same but, it's true. My smiles have turned to frowns,tears of laughter to tears of sorrow, silence to condolences and hope to grief. All I have is a foggy memory and a school magazine photo. Through my writing I still feel the pain, sometimes relive it.I want to remember everything and most importantly want to treasure and hold on to the memories that are mine,that are authentic.I thought we had more time but I was wrong.I lay awake at every night consumed by the thoughts of you and our memories.I convince myself you are on a vacation,an extended one, You're somewhere warm and remote with no way to contact me and then I remember you're not on an island in the middle of nowhere, you're gone.Those are the days that hurt the most.I have so many questions and so little answers.I think there will always be the constant battle,push and pull of being so incredibly grateful and so incredibly hurt.I can hear your laugh all the time.I am thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful time and memories with you which I will never forget.I know those memories are less like a drop in the ocean but for me those memories are as deep as an ocean.Death has separated us but you will always be in my memory.you are next to me watching me from the another world.
May God grant:
"Eternal rest unto you my friend"
There are no goodbyes.Where ever you'll be, you'll be in my heart.
Rest in peace!
"Surely we belong to Allah and to Him we shall Return".
Author Can be reached at:beenish.bhatt.786@gmail.com
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