Faisul Yaseen
Guilt, the deadliest of all things, which can happen to you, snatches all your joys and erodes the desires you live with.
You feel guilty of big blunders and you feel guilty for small mistakes you commit, consciously, unconsciously or subconsciously, intentionally or unintentionally.
I feel guilty for not offering prayers. I feel guilty of my behaviour toward my parents. I feel guilty for letting my friends down. I feel guilty devoting very less time toward studies. I feel guilty for not doing something concrete for the society. I feel guilty for living in a rotten society where moral values no longer exist. I feel guilty for my conscience, which is decaying with every passing day. I feel guilty for the blunders I commit day in and day out. With my guilt, one can count forever. In short, I feel guilty for my guilt.
I wish, if only I were an obedient son. If only I was a good friend. If only I was an ideal student. If only I were a devout follower of religious duties and obligations. If only I could contribute something positive to the society. If only I didn’t feel the guilt.
Guilt does no good to my blood pressure. It makes my heart heavy. Guilt doesn’t let me live my usual self. It makes me a perfect hypocrite, who feigns happiness. My problem is guilt makes me retreat. The guiltier I feel, less inclined I am to take action. When you are guilty, learning does not happen. When you feel the guilt, doing anything gets as hard as threading a needle with a ball in the midst of a tempest. Guilt weaves its own yarn around you. It converts one from an Arabian horse to a mule. Guilt springs in you a desire to keep you to yourself only. It makes a perfect Right-Royal Charlie out of you.
Guilt is a painfully inefficient control over human emotions. It is an externally induced emotion. To me guilt has become an innate sense. Guilt takes you apart in a rook. Guilt gives you ding-bats. A guilty person feels as uncomfortable in life as a cat on a hot tin roof. Guilt brings you down to your knees. It has you begging please.
Most of the times, you feel the guilt for breaking somebody’s heart. This is thought to be the gravest of all crimes. You can be reprimanded for many big blunders. You can also be reprimanded for breaking many laws, but not for breaking a human heart.
There are people who feel guilty and yet appear a laughing stock. Others feeling the guilt, like to get their hands washed off. For both, overcoming guilt is like filling hefty boots. For them, the wisest piece of advice is to listen to the voice, which advocates: ‘Every saint has a past; Every sinner a future.’
But overcoming guilt isn’t that easy. Well, I was guilty even before I was born. May I take on some more guilt, the world forgot. For who knows without guilt, I might just have turned to an apology.
The author can be mailed at faisulyaseen@gmail.com